Note: This was written for Dear Rose but I just realized that I have another blog. HAHAAH kbye
Dear Rose,
How is it going? How are you? It has been a while, isn’t it?
Almost 2 years of not writing on this blog. Even the blog that I have created
on the spacedot thingy has been shut down last time I checked. I don’t even
know when the blog had shut down, I should save the posts that I have made in
that blog. Stupid non-mainstream hosting blog.
So... blog... bloggy blog blog... where you write your
thoughts and nonsense and some interesting shit... Oh wait, I don’t say ‘shit’
anymore.. hahaha...anyway, blogs... People
don’t do that anymore, aren’t they? People who still blog out there are the ones
who will get payment if he posted something. I rarely even open my tumblr
anymore. Remember when my life was all about tumblr? 24/8, tumblring all day.
Tumblr famous. Making friends on tumblr. Making gifs and edits and posted them
on tumblr. Making nonsense posts on anything, anytime, anywhere... sigh... I’m
reminiscing this because I read my old posts where I kept thinking, “oh....
this was me...” “Oh, I was like this...” It’s not that I have changed, but I
did. It’s like... I’m still the same old me but I’ve changed. You know what I’m
saying? Yeah....
21 is a big number. Not that big but still... To say that
you’re 21 years old is a little bit weird I might say. Whenever I’m on this
blog, I would always look at myself in the present with the point of view of
the 15/16-year old me where my imagination runs wild and kept thinking of the
future, what would I do while I was 20, 25, 30 and so on... I would think about
the specific experiences that I would face in a certain range of age. What
would I have mastered when I will be this certain of age? So far.... dear 15/16
year old me, I did almost everything what you thought about us 5 years ago.
Alhamdulillah. There were some glitches and hiccups and bumps and hills and
mountains(literally), but you know the lists that you ALWAYS made... “Things I
want to have” “Things to do before I died” “Things to do before I’m 21” “Wish
list” “The bucket list” I want to proudly say that I’ve crossed out lots on the
lists that we’ve created, which is an accomplishment to me. I’m happy for the
15/16 year old me.
But to the present me... I’m a little bit worried. Are you
okay? Are you really okay? Why are you like this? You need to sort your
priorities straight. Like pronto!!! Extremely pronto... but yeah... This is
really tough... Really tough... I hate when I lose myself in the emotional
vacuum. It’s like I cannot reach myself. It’s out of the radar. I need to have
my focus back. Why do I have to float to the cloud nine while I don’t know
where I am going or where I am heading? I’m lost. Super lost. It’s like you’re
going to a hike with someone, you know why you’re going there and with whom but
as you’re hiking, that someone is gone and you don’t know where is the exit.
You only have yourself and the earth surrounds you. You feel at ease and panic
and the same time. It’s beautiful scenery up in the hill but still, you want to
go out from there because you feel all alone and you don’t have anything with
you. Zilch. Everything is with that certain someone. So what’s the solution?
Will you find that someone or go out of there alone before
it’s getting too dark? Really dark...
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
I feel like a gazillion years since the last time I’ve made
a metaphor post... haha...
Okay.
Bye.
Miss you Rose.
Miss you.
Love,
Sarah.
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